Change begins with you:)

(Shh... Just Keep Breathing, It will get better)

A man brushes into another one slightly shaking his drink, the other man turns around and shouts 

"Watch where you are going motherf****r"

I witnessed this yesterday:)

How easily do we use these words don't we? Motherf****r? Son of a bi**h? Sisterf****r?

Hello blog readers:)

If you exist. I really hope you do. Although I understand if you don't given that I am so inconsistent. 

So now that I have started sharing, I guess I will share another secret. 

Now the thing is, I have told people about this particular incident of my life. But I have told everyone, Even my best friend, different endings. These were the endings I wanted to have.. you know. These were the endings that would have happened if my life was a movie.

But this is the real world. No superheroes exist here. You either help yourself, or you suffer.

I suffered.

So let's rewind back to the year 2016, to a 12 year version of myself. I had to go to a wedding in New Delhi, and we were there a day or two before.. for shopping and stuff. And like any other tourist, we were traveling around in Delhi Metro. Now see, the thing is, when my mother used to take me shopping back then, I always wore loose pajamas. Even to some big ass showrooms, I always went in my pajamas. Why? Because she sure as hell makes me try on a lot of clothes, and taking off and putting on skinny jeans seemed like a shit ton of work. I know, I know. I am lazy:) 

Anyways. There I was. In a plain tshirt and pajamas (Why am I describing my outfit with so much effort? So that one random person can't say "She was asking for it!") running on the metro station to get on the metro. And kaboom. I entered, as the doors closed right behind me. As I turned around I realised my mother got trapped outside. I was in the metro all by myself. She signaled me to get down on the next station while she would take the next metro. I got a bit scared, but nodded. Now this was at around 5:30 pm in New Delhi. You know what that means right? There was no seat. Infact. The metro was so jam packed one could hardly move. So I just stood there, sandwiched between the door, and a man behind me. 

It was Okey for a few seconds, till I realized it.

Someone was gripping me from behind. I turned around to see, the 30 year old man's hand at my butt. He was not looking at me. I turned and kept staring outside, while I tried to remove his hand with my fingers. But he was too strong.

Now this is where the story bifurcates. There are 3 versions of it out there. And here are those versions.

I told my best friend, that I wasn't alone. That I was with my cousin who fought off the man. 

I told another acquaintance that I turned around and fought this man off myself.

I told my Instagram that some old man saved me by coming between me and him.

But this actually is the truth. 

I didn't do anything. I just stood there and kept crying, my fingers still in their vain attempt to stop this man, whose fingers were running up and down my lower back, gripping tight every now and then.

It's has been like 6 years since this event. And I still feel disgusted. You know why? Because this kind of thing? Stays. It doesn't leave you. It's like his hands are still there. He's still molesting me. 

That was the first time this sort of thing happened to me but I am sad that it wasn't the last. I walk down the road some random dude touches my breast and walks away. I am standing on the road waiting for my grandmother some stranger stares at my ass while he walks past me. Shoulder touches, ass grabbing, breast touches, these have become so common now that we don't even talk of it anymore. 

Not one woman. Not One of any woman I spoke to, said she has never experienced any kind of assault. All of them have gone through small or big things.

Not One.

 I don't know if you understand how badly I am trying to stress this figure. How badly I m trying to explain, How shameful this is for us.

There is another thing though that is even more shameful. A figure which is not even out there. As a woman, it has still become slightly easier, not completely but yes slightly easier to open up about these things, due to the recent campaigns like #metoo etc, but what about men? They still live with it. Even today because, talking about this raises a question on their masculinity for some reason. They live with it every day, without being able to express it to anyone, NOT EVEN FRIENDS! Imagine how suffocated they feel. If you still can't picture it, Imagine being badly hurt, bleeding from you knee for example, without any medical aid, with an open wound, bleeding, and having to hide it. Walk with it, Run with it, Sit with it, without anyone finding out, shhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Yes. It's like that, but only much worse.

People don't understand. People won't understand what it is to live with these things. 

And yet here I am. Trying one more time.

Every time someone gets touched when they wish not to, their soul dies a bit more. You know why? Because they feel like a property. Like a thing, a materialistic thing, desired only for what they are on the outside and not for what they truly think and feel. Like they have no mind of their own capable of making decisions. Like their body is not their own and they are not the one who get to decide what happens to it. Like they? They are not human.

To write this I had to gather a lot of courage. A lot of it. Because even though I am the one who suffered? I am the one who gets judged. 

Yes:)

That is the world we live in. 

And it is our duty to change it. It is you and me who can. We often think "What good would just me changing would do?" But it would. It would. It would save many of us. It would save us from humiliation. It would have saved that poor woman who had no fault, who wasn't even present when her son collided accidentally with another man from being humiliated. It would probably save some girl from being assaulted in a metro. It would save that poor boy from thinking he is helpless.

It would really save Humankind. 

A change that you can bring. 

So do, Save them. 

Yours truly,

Sammy<3