Just Keep Breathing:)

(Shh... Just Keep Breathing, It will get better.)

Heyyyy!!! 

Okay, I've been considering writing this blog for a long time. I mean, it was in my head that I wanted to share this story, but for some reason I never got around to it.!! 

 

The issue is, just like those dandelions, I'm a touch hydrophobic.
It's not that I can't look at water or anything; I just can't step inside of it. I suppose I could if I really tried, but I'd be terrified literally the entire time.
It started when I was about 7 or 8 years old, and we moved to Lucknow from OBRA (Outer Border of Rihand Area). It's so funny that the name of a place is actually an acronym. Anyway, when I found out that our society was going to have a swimming pool, I was ecstatic.

 

If you've read any of my previous blogs, you'll know that I wasn't well-accepted by the children of this society when I moved here for a variety of reasons, including a lack of parents (because they both lived in different places at the time), which resulted in a lack of outings, hosting parties, and simply being a normal kid. So not being accepted by these kids resulted in, guess what?

Bullying:)

 

I recall being teased with extremely dirty jokes. (Shambhavi ke pas to ladko vale main parts hai!!) (Shambhavi has male sexual parts) and much, much worse. No, I recall it clearly, but writing it would be a little too vulgar for my blog. Or for the way I dressed, which was usually in dresses because I loved flair. (Shambhavi, aise gawaar ban ke kyu aa jati ho) (Shambhavi why do you dress up like villagers?) or, if everything else fails, my own name. (Haathi Shambhu, Shikari Shambhu) That's why, even now, when someone makes fun of my name, I get very insecure. Even overwhelmed.

 

Anyway, back to the story: I dragged Nanes to the sports store to get my swimming equipment, which included a pretty pink swimsuit, goggles, a swimming cap, a tube, and a bathing gown. The society's swimming pool comprises of three pools: two of them are extremely small and shallow, while the third one is slightly larger and deeper. As a result, Nanes forbade me from entering the third one. I was only supposed to practise in the two smaller ones, which was fine because they were the right size for me.

 

The kids devised a game involving one of the pipes that had been left there. Everyone would go up on the diving ledge one by one and use the pipe to squirt water on everyone. Even though it doesn't sound like much fun, it was, in fact, a lot of fun.

So, on one specific day, I was late to the pool due to a school function. It was a typical scene: older kids were in the deeper pool, some swimming, some playing a game; my "mates" were in the shallower pools, playing another game; and just one kid my age, Eron, was in the deeper pool, learning to swim with his father. I was taken aback to see an adult at the pool, but it didn't bother me. Suddenly, I noticed that the pipe was lying on the ground. And, because I had never had the opportunity to play with it before, I became rather enthralled and dashed to take it up.

 

Now I am going to fill you in on what had happened before I came to the pool so you can understand what happened next. Eron's father had sternly forbidden everyone from playing with the pipe, and had stated that the next person who touched it would be barred from entering the pool.None of my wonderful "friends" informed me.Within 10 seconds of me picking up the pipe, Eron's father snatched it from my grasp and said, "Mana kiya tha na khelne ko pipe se!" (Told you not to play with the pipe!) His face flushed with rage. What he did next resulted in life-long trauma.

 

He pushed me into the deep end of the large pool, not simply from the edge, but from a higher ledge that people used for diving. I landed on my back with a splash and continued to sink becauseof the inertia. Water quickly filled my lungs since I had been caught off guard. I made a fist with my fingers and attempted to grab something, anything, but I couldn't. By that time, I hadn't even had a chance to put on my goggles, tube, or swimming cap. My eyes widened with terror.My back smacked the ground, and I eventually floated up. Some bhaiyaa helped me out of the pool, and I coughed for a whole 3 minutes, and then? I walked away, crying and wailing, and terrified. Never went back to the pool.

 

And then began the never-ending trauma of nightmares about drowning. When I kept overthinking about that situation, anxiety set in, result? I started peeing in my bed once more. In the middle of the night, I started screaming. I began to press my nails across my palms. I began to have breathing problems. And so forth.

My nightmares have become less frequent with time. A little. Anxiety? grew. Because of various other factors,

But water terrified me.

Until... a few years ago:) It was a wet day at school, which, in my opinion, was the worst kind of weather.

It was club session time, so everyone was preoccupied with their different interests. I was sitting outside the music room in the corridor since I had selected music under peer pressure and couldn't locate a single instrument that piqued my interest. So, I sat outside, busy writing in my diary, back when I used to have one.

And Dhruv stepped out of the room. He had drum sticks in his hands and a smug look on his face.

"Got bored of the piano too?" He inquired.

I said, with a smile, "I didn't even get a chance to play it."

"Okay, so far, we've ruled out drums because they're 'too loud,' guitar because you've got'small hands,' and piano because 'you didn't get a chance to play'."

"Yes," I said, with a smile.

He let out a sigh.

I laughed as he looked at me and said, "Really running out of options now."

"Are you finished with your drums? " I inquired about him.

"Well. I didn't want to abandon my girl, so I skipped my turn. "

I looked at him with squinting eyes.

"Fine, fine. hehe. I played my routine; I won't get my turn till next period now. "

"Knew it", I replied.

"So, what are your plans till then?"

"Nothing"

"You're officially the most boring person I've ever met."

"But you're still my favorite:)" I retorted.

"Come with me," he urged abruptly, grabbing my hand.

Oh no, I thought to myself. The glint in his eyes hinted that he was preparing something nefarious. We dashed to the ground, which was lush green from the rain, and I asked him, "What?" 

He directed his finger straight ahead.

A large puddle of water had formed close to the basketball court.

"No way, Dhruv!"

"Oh come on, it'll be fun," he murmured as he continued to pull me while I resisted.

"I'm not getting my white sneakers wet and soiled, Dhruv! What if our music teacher happened to see us? Please, there is really too much water."

He simply kept pulling me until we were adjacent to it.

"Shambhavi?"

He locked his gaze on mine.

"What?" I said, making a face.

"Thoda (Some) trust please"? He asked with his puppy dog eyes and how could I have said no to that, huh?

"Ugh, fine!" I sighed and rolled my eyes.

He dove into the puddle, splashing water all over my skirt. He said, "Come." I kept staring at him. "Don't worry, if you fall, I'll fall with you," he added.

I chuckled and gently stepped into the puddle.

"Ye kya hota hai? Jump paagal" (What was that? Jump idiot!) And just like that, I started jumping.

For a while, we held hands and just... kept jumping:)

That puddle was little compared to the pool in which I almost drowned, but that day marked the start of my road to recovery. 

I don't have much of a takeaway for you all from this experience, except maybe don't be a jerk to kids.

I just wanted to share this key memory of struggle, fear, and eventual recovery.

I'm well aware that I left a story unfinished. Dhruv's. But that's for another day:)

When it rains, I currently step in every little puddle I can:) And I'm no longer afraid of going to the pool. In fact, despite being terrified, I successfully completed an underwater sea walk last year:)

Maybe rising over your fears is not quite so difficult....

As long as you can hold onto someone's hand:)

Yours truly,

Sammy<3